What Happens When?
by i like f00d
Summary: A series of one-shots based on life with the Avengers! From shopping disasters to drunken catastrophes!
1. Chapter 1

**What happens when... Chapter 1.**

**What Happens When Tony Stark Challenges Natasha Romanoff to A Drinking Contest? **

**I spent ages working on this so reviews are appreciated.**

**Special thanks to my roleplay group on Instagram for inspiring this story!**

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The Avengers had a lot of things they liked to do together, things Natasha Romanoff would _never_ do as long as she lived. But on a crisp October night, Tony Stark had challenged Natasha Romanoff - master assassin to a drinking contest. This would not end well, for anyone, especially for the Tony...

"Prepare to lose, Stark." Natasha's words spat venom.

"Prepare to lose to my awesomeness, Romanoff." He retorted, a devilish smirk plastered on his face.

Thor couldn't decide who's side to be on, Lady Natasha or the Man of Iron. Each had their strengths and their weakness'. Thor looked over at Clint. Who was rubbing his head. He was muttering something. Thor wondered why the Hawk was so jumpy.

"This is not going to end well, for Stark." Clint had his face buried in his hands, a drunken Natasha is not a _safe _Natasha.

"Please for the love of God, Stark say you give up!" Clint exclaimed, grabbing all the wine/ale/vodka he could carry, away from Tony and Tasha.

Thor lunges to take the bottles from the archer. He scoops them up from the archers grasp. Clint jumps for the bottles, fear in his eyes.

"What is wrong with drinking contest amongst friends?" Thor's voice filled the room. He returned the bottles of alcohol to the two.

"Round 1." Steve announced, as he poured shots of vodka into two glasses.

"Guys, I'm not too sure this is such a good idea, if Clint thinks it's bad, it's probably bad." Bruce said, taking his glasses off.

"Chill, Banner. It's not like Romanoff's going to kill us all." Tony replied laughing lightly.

"No, but she may certainly try." Clint chimed in.

Natasha had a smirk on her face, she picked the glass up, the liquid trickling down into her throat. Clint looked like he was about to stick an arrow in his head to avoid it, his eyes widened as Natasha drunk the vodka.

"We're all going to die." Clint moaned.

"I'll be fine, Barton," Natasha comforted him. "What's the worst that can happen?" She asked him, a small and short lived smile graced the Russians face.

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_30 minutes later.._

"Where the hell is she?!" Tony asked in fear._  
_

"This is all your fault, Stark. Never _ever _challenge Natasha Romanoff again for as long as you live, got that?" Clint asked in a deathly manor.

Little did they know the Russian redhead spy was tucked away in the vents above, Natasha rolled her head back in amusement. The Avengers were looking desperate, especially one in particular, Clint Barton. Clint's eyes were darting here, there and everywhere he didn't look up. Natasha sat there for at least five minutes before making her decision. The redhead quietly opened the vent passage, dropping her head down.

"Looking for someone, Nat?" Clint asked from behind her.

"As a matter of fact." She began with a straight face, but burst out into a fit of giggles.

The archer sighed. "Come down, Nat, your drunk you need sleep and water. " Clint said passively.

"Yes, dad." Natasha replied sarcastically, smirking.

"Nat. I'm serious, come down - now." Clint told her sternly.

"Make me." She dared, smirking.

"It's for _all _our sakes, Tasha." Clint announced, grabbing Natasha by her waist causing her to squirm from Clint's grasp. "Hold still, Tasha." Clint said coolly, a hint of a small smile crawling onto the archer's face.

Clint carried Natasha back to the common room. "Jarvis tell the team I found Natasha." Clint told the AI.

"Certainly, Agent Barton." JARVIS replied in his usual robotic voice.

Clint put Natasha down on the sofa, Natasha looked lost in daydream. Clint headed over to the cabinet to get a glass.

"It's only a matter of time before -" Clint was cut off by a rattling sound.

_Tasha's guns. No. No. No. No. No. Oh please no. _Clint thought to himself, he turned around to find Tasha's guns gone, as well as Tasha. There was a sudden noise - footsteps, Clint held his breath hoping it wasn't Tasha dragging a dead body. Clint sighed with relief when it was in fact just Bruce.

"Clint, you said you found Romanoff so where is she?" Bruce asked looking around nervously.

Clint bite his bottom lip. "I turned around for a minute and she vanished with her guns!" Clint burst out.

At that moment Steve and Tony waltzed in.

"What was that about guns and Natasha?" Steve paled slightly. Looking all around nervously - like Bruce.

"Hide your children! Call S.H.I.E.L.D. and the CIA. Call _everyone _this just became and international emergency!" Tony cried.

"You can't find me, because I'm everywhere and no where!" A soft but deadly voice filled the room, the sound coming from all around. "La la la la la la!" Natasha giggled, silently and swiftly sneaking up behind Tony.

Natasha jumped onto Tony causing the billionaire to freeze with fear. "Call. Fury." Tony muttered through his teeth.

Natasha held the gun to Tony's head, the billionaire Was frightened to say the least. A drunk Russian spy holding a gun to his head is not the best way to die.

"Agent Romanoff. Put the gun down." Bruce asked her calmly.

Bruce had a plan - he was the pills guy, he had pills especially for something like this.

"The vodka." She replied, carefully looking at Bruce.

"No Natasha, no more vodka, now that we know what it makes you do." Bruce still remained in the same calming tone he was before.

Natasha let Tony go reluctantly. The genius, billionaire, playboy, philanphest ran to Bruce.

"Your more than just my science bro, your my saviour!" Tony said breathlessly gripping onto Bruce's shoulder like it was a life line.

Natasha still didn't drop the gun. She narrowed her eyes at the Avengers that stood before her, her straight face became determined, she eyed the large bottle a few times. Bruce flinched because of the widow's look, if looks could kill, Bruce would be dead one hundred times over already. Natasha lunged for the bottle, cuddling it tightly.

"Mine. All mine!" She hissed, over protectively.

"Our savior is here! Ol' Saint Nick!" Tony cheered, a pissed Nick Fury emerged.

"Why the hell did I get a call from Stark over here, about a intoxicated redhead spy?" Fury asked, looking around at the Avengers, stoping when he saw the redhead spy he paled.

"Barton?" Fury barked. "Who let Romanoff touch vodka?" All the Avengers immediately turned to Tony.

"Oopies?" Tony said sheepishly.

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**Hope you liked it, that was only part one of two! Next chapter - What Nick Fury does with intoxicated Russian spies**

**Review?(: **

**-i like f00d **


	2. Chapter 2

**What Happens When Nick Fury and Bruce Banner are left in charge of an Intoxicated Russian Spy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. *cries in the corner.***

**A/N: So really, this was meant to be up sooner but everything got in the way. I'm also so happy you all liked the first chapter! I'm really happy with the reviews I got! Thank you and enjoy! **

**Dedicated to my roleplay group on Instagram and my friend, Eve!**

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When Natasha opened her bright, green, emerald eyes the first thing she thought about was 'Where's the vodka.' Then she stopped, a better question would be where was she. The room was grey, a concrete wall is what she saw, slowly Natasha lifted herself up, her hair all messy and in her eyes, in other words, Natasha looked like she'd just been pulled through a bush.

Natasha sat up straight, looking around again glaring, what was she doing there? All the redhead knew is that she was thirsty and in some sort of cell.

"Agent Romanoff." Came the stern voice of Nick Fury.

Natasha giggled, squinting her eyes. "Hi, mister pirate man, ol' Saint Nick, the king of -" The intoxicated Black Widow was cut off by someone clearing their throat, that person was none other than Doctor Bruce Banner.

"Miss Romanoff, if you please." Bruce spoke up.

"Yes man-with-breathtaking-anger-management-issues?" Again, Agent Romanoff giggled.

Bruce sighed, rubbing his temples in exhaustion, intoxicated spies were not something Bruce was overly fond of.

"To the point," Interrupted Fury.

Bruce shook his head, his attention focusing on Tasha again. "Of course, the point Miss Romanoff," The scientist paused, taking a long needle from behind his back.

"Nooooo!" Natasha shouted dramatically. "Before I die -" The redhead was cut off by Fury.

"Romanoff, y'all not going to die, it's a _needle_ for Christ's sake." Director Fury rolled his eyes.

Natasha narrowed her eyes. "Нет!" _No!_ Natasha hissed, falling into her native tongue. "You're ruining my death scene, pirate man!" The redhead assassin whined like a 5 - year-old child.

Even Fury was a little, the tiniest part frightened. Not that he would admit it out loud.

"Let's just get on with it? Doctor Banner?" Nick sighed, thinking of many painful ways to get Stark back at the trouble caused.

Bruce shook his head, snapping himself out of daydream. "Uh, course, Director Fury." Bruce said, stepping closer to Natasha.

Natasha jumped back, smirking. Bruce took a step forward again, the redhead jumped back. The doctor stepped forward again, Natasha jumped back again, she giggled.

"I like this game!" She declared, grinning.

"This isn't a game, Romanoff. It's your health." Bruce stated calmly, slowly inching closer.

"Health smelth." She said, throwing one of her hands carelessly towards Bruce playfully.

"We'll bring Darcy in." Fury threatened blankly.

Natasha jumped up in fear and raised her hands up. "Anything but the Darcy! Anything! Anything but the tazor!" Natasha yelped.

Fury couldn't help but smirk, the Darcy Lewis threat always worked with intoxicated S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. He glanced over at Dr. Banner, who nodded and slowly, cautiously approched the Russian redhead. The assassin eyed Bruce carefully, narrowing her emerald green eyes ever-so-slightly. The doctor held out the needle, inching closer to the Widow's arm. Tasha pulled away and took a few steps back, feeling the cold, solid wall against her skin, she shivered. All Fury did was stand there with his arms behind his back, patiently waiting, Fury's only sign that he was alive was his chest rising and falling. Bruce smiled at Natasha, trying to assure her that everything was going to be alright. The redhead smiled back weakly, her muscles becoming loosened, a signthat she was already sleep deprived.

"What does it do?" Natasha asked softly, looking at the syringe carefully.

"It'll only send you to sleep, Agent Romanoff, nothing harmful." Bruce replied in the same tone. Delicately pressing it into Natasha's porcelain skin.

Natasha nodded sleepily as the drug began to take effect. She felt dazed, struggling to keep her eyes open, her eyes became heavier and heavier until, she drifted into unconsciousness.

"Finally, if you excuse me, I have a Stark to deal with." Fury said before promptly exiting the room.

Bruce sighed with relief, dropping himself onto the floor of exhaustion. He looked at the unconscious Black Widow a sly grin crossed the doctor's face, he reached over to Natasha' slips with his hand and held up the sides of her lips, making it look like she was smiling whilst unconscious, then he made a sad face.

"Smiley." Bruce said, holding up the corners of her lips again. "Sad-ey." He said, forcing Natasha to look like she was frowning.

The doctor did that for the next half hour, grinning to himself. Very pleased.

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**Chapter 2 done! Sorry again for it being so late. PM me requests! **

**-i like f00d.**


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